


Someone to Show Him His Place in All This

by GenesisHardy



Series: The Struggles and Beauty of their Place/Non-Place [1]
Category: Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bittersweet, Character Study, Companion Piece, F/M, Headcanon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jedi Ben Solo, Melancholy, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, One Shot, POV Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soulmates, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23273206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenesisHardy/pseuds/GenesisHardy
Summary: Spoilers for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker"Rey was his lifeline out of the cold dark water he found himself drowning in. She was the only person who saw through the cracks in his mask, the only person who believed he could still do the right thing, the only person who called him Ben and who truly saw him that way. And in the absence of her heartbeat, Ben heard Rey’s final words: 'I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.' And with the memory of his scar healing as she transferred some of her force energy to him, Ben knew what he had to do."An in-depth imagining of Ben's final moments with Rey and how he found peace with The Scavenger.Companion piece to "A Future, Solid and Clear"
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Reylo
Series: The Struggles and Beauty of their Place/Non-Place [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761700
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Someone to Show Him His Place in All This

**Author's Note:**

> I know that not everyone is pleased with the movie's end, but I couldn't help but wonder what Ben was thinking in his final scene. I believe that he was able to find peace and meaning, and though it took me a while and the end still makes me sad, I think I've begun to find peace with it, too.
> 
> As mentioned in the summary, this is a companion piece to "A Future, Solid and Clear," which you can find here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22168762. Although not my original intention, I believe that they complement each other. In regards to the story's chronology, this work should be read before "A Future, Solid and Clear."
> 
> Feel free to leave comments or suggestions on which scenes I should write about/analyze next!
> 
> All the characters and places in this work belong to Disney and Lucasfilm. I own nothing.

Ben Solo looked across the broken stones and up into the ship-filled sky, but there was no one. No Resistance fighters, no Palpatine, no force ghosts. Just him and Rey, her body heavy in his arms. 

He searched her face, looking for any sign that she might be alive, but her eyes were blank and unmoving. That was the first thing about her that had caught his attention: her eyes. There was something about her brown eyes that reminded Ben of himself. Her determination to survive and her desire to run were his own. Her loneliness and fear were echoes of the loneliness and fear he had held since he was a child. Her anger—though weaker—was born of the same frustrations with the past, and family, and the power they had each been born with. And her relief upon seeing him arrive to fight Palpatine was the same relief he felt when he threw his lightsaber into the ocean. But now her eyes showed nothing, and he was alone once again. 

_She once said I wasn’t alone_. 

But for so long he had been alone, searching for someone to see him, and take his hand, and guide him. When he was a child, he believed this someone to be his parents. Like any child, he thought that they would help him up when he fell and hold him close when he was afraid. But Han Solo was never home, and Leia was busy with her duties as General. She saw her son as a piece in a strategy game, and Han never saw his son at all, and so Ben grew up alone. 

Years later, he believed that Luke would help him find out who he was and what path he was meant to follow. But Luke knew of the voices that plagued Ben’s thoughts—Snoke, Palpatine, Darth Vader—and did nothing to stop them. Just like Han and Leia and Ben himself, Luke feared the youngest Skywalker’s growing power. And just like Han and Leia, Luke believed that Ben’s fall was inevitable. And soon, Ben too began to believe that maybe it was inevitable, and so he left Ben on the island and became Kylo Ren.

He had always been lonely behind Kylo Ren's mask, but it was the only way he knew to survive. He had fallen, and he had chosen to stay in the First Order. He had chosen to reach for increasing amounts of power he wasn’t sure he wanted, and he had killed people in doing so. He wanted to return home, but he had already failed, and with each battle fought, his belief that he could ever return home diminished. Eventually, it was easier just to stay numb, to believe that hope was just an illusion and there was never an answer for destiny. He learned to shut out the voices of his parents and Snoke and even Ben, until all that remained was the unflinching mask of Kylo Ren. And he let himself drown in it because anger was easier than confusion and pain and loneliness.

  
  


A creature in a mask. That’s what she had called him. He wasn’t sure what about these words made him decide to remove that mask for the first time in years. Maybe it wasn’t her words at all, but her eyes. 

  
  


Above him, Final Order ships crumbled and Resistance ships jumped into hyperspace, but as Ben pulled Rey into his arms, he only heard the absence of her heartbeat. 

Since their force bond had opened, Ben had heard its quiet, steady presence. At first, it was a constant reminder that he had failed again—he hadn’t found Luke, and the Scavenger was just far enough out of reach that he couldn’t find her either. But as time passed, her faint presence became comforting. He needed someone to know what had happened. He needed someone to know why he left Ben on the island and put on the mask. 

_You’re not alone_ , he had told her. _Neither are you_ , she had replied. She had believed it, and he had believed her, and though they still stood on opposite shores, it was comforting to know that there was someone else on the island. Someone else was also staring at the ocean, afraid of what might happen if they jumped in and afraid of what might happen if they didn’t. Someone else was trying to find their place amidst the echoes of ancient wars and the expectations of others. Someone else was angry and scared and desperate for a peace found only in a sleep that never came. 

She had been there even when she left him. Each time she refused his hand—in Snoke’s throne room, on his own ship, on the skeletal remains of the Death Star only hours before—he could still feel her faint heartbeat. And she could feel his. And their force bond became more than just a dyad. It became a reminder of the light he had once known, a reminder that he could still leave Kylo Ren on the island and become Ben once again. Rey was his lifeline out of the cold dark water he found himself drowning in. She was the only person who saw through the cracks in his mask, the only person who believed he could still do the right thing, the only person who called him Ben and who truly saw him that way. 

In the absence of her heartbeat, Ben heard Rey’s final words: _I did want to take your hand. Ben’s han_. And with the memory of his scar healing as she transferred some of her force energy to him, Ben knew what he had to do.

  
  


In a shock of cold against warmth, Ben felt Rey’s hand move to rest on top of his own. He opened his eyes as the light returned to hers—her warm, compassionate, brown eyes. They filled first with a vague awareness which soon became confusion. Her confusion became disbelief, and her disbelief became joy, and as a smile broke across her face, she said his name with a hope and conviction he had never heard from anyone else.

In her eyes, he saw something he had never seen before. He was no longer a creature in a mask or a nobody who aimlessly and violently clawed his way to power and the illusion that he was somebody important. Nor was he a confused child staggering between varying expectations of destiny and failing with each step. Though both broken and bruised and apart from the world, she looked at him with forgiveness in her eyes, as though he was somebody real and the only somebody she wanted to see in that moment. 

Rey’s hand moved to rest against Ben’s face, and with the memory of her fingers lightly touching his own for the first time, he felt Kylo Ren’s final mask begin to crack as the ghost of a smile pulled at Ben’s eyes.

For a moment, both Jedis could only look at each other and wonder how, even with a thousand generations living in them, there was only one other person who understood. There was only one person who had been given such extraordinary power in the force, and there was only one person whose future had been determined by that power. Only one person understood the need to choose whether the place everyone had planned for you was your true place in the story. One person knew the loneliness of the Force and the pain of not belonging and the need to find something steady and real. Only one person had stood on the island and gazed across the water in search of an elusive peace.

And after so much pain and anger and loneliness, Ben and Rey looked cautiously into each other’s eyes and saw the peace they had searched for. They had each found their place in the story. And for Ben, Rey was the answer. Not the Jedi or the Sith. Not the First Order or the Resistance. Not even the light or the dark. Just her. 

  
  


Their kiss was soft and lingering, a quiet point of normalcy amid a melancholy sea of war and turmoil. It was solid and real. It was a promise that he wasn’t alone, that his fall wasn’t inevitable, and that, even with his failings, he had found his way again. And that way had led to her. She was the one who would see him, and take his hand, and guide him. She was the one who would help him up when he fell and hold him close when he was afraid. She was the one who would help him find out who he was and what path he was meant to follow. She was the one who would show him his place in all this. He just had to reach for her hand one more time, and she just had to take it, and so long as he stayed with her and she stayed with him—so long as they remained hand-in-hand—Ben knew he would be on the right path.

Rey pulled back, a shy smile on her face and her cold hand still resting on his cheek. He looked into her eyes once more before nearly closing his own eyes and leaning closer to rest his forehead an inch away from hers. And for the first time in years, Ben Solo smiled. 

He could feel himself fading, but somehow he didn’t care. She was here. She was alive and she was holding his hand. Though he had been torn apart, she had helped him piece himself back together. She had seen his scars and had healed his wounds. She had shown him that he wasn’t alone, and she had stayed with him through it all, even if it was only through her faint heartbeat. And now she knew that he was with her. He _was_ hers. 

  
  


In his final moments, Ben hadn’t offered his hand—Rey had simply taken it. As his eyes closed and his body became heavy, Ben knew he would leave the world with her hand in his, and it was all he needed.


End file.
